1Day to D-Day

30th October 2011, 2325hrs

25 hours from now, God willing, I will be checking in at the hospital. And at 0900hrs on 1 Nov 2011, by His will, I will be meeting my baby. My fourth C-section.

Truth be told, I am extremely nervous. I can go on and on, on the many different ways how things could go wrong. What if I never wake up? What if tonight is my last night at home? It doesn't help when the husband sulks when I am melancholic like this. What if this is to be my last night with him? He's sleeping upstairs tonight, and my youngest is not feeling well - must be something she ate, diarrhea and vomiting. I am too lazy to climb u the stairs, too sad too angry too worried to make a good company. Or even to be a wife and mother. All I want is to be by myself and wallow in the dread.

What if I don't wake up at all?

Am I ready to leave? No, for thousands of millions of reasons - all selfish in nature.

My blood test results turn out to be okay, no diabetic.

We went for check up on Friday and baby's weight can be anywhere between 3 to 3.5 Kg, his 'age' can be anywhere between 36 to 40 weeks with a +/- of 22 days.

Doctor feels the baby is still high up in the uterus and so not a case of concern (for me to go into labor).

I have a dozen or so people, strangers included who would swear that I am carrying a boy. At the same time, a good number of people would bet on a girl, Dr Suhaimi included. I guess, we now have just one more day to find out, don't we?

My sister came over on deepavali, bringing with her what I would be eating during confinement. I think. Have everyting all set now. Just waiting for the baby to arrive and I live long enough to play mother to it.